This post was originally for a guest post on Jesus Couture’s Web site, but it seems like they’re probably going to take an ungodly amount of time to fix their blog, so I decided to put this up here. It was still nice of them to ask me to write for them, though. I really appreciate the thought. Here goes…
I thought I’d talk about clothing within the church today. Since I assume that a good number of you are Christians reading this, I feel the need to address this very issue—sadly, it has been an issue. I’m sure that you recall that we are called to be the “salt and light” of the earth, which means we are to be set apart from sin and from the world. From what I have been seeing, it seems like a lot of us do not look at all different from the rest of the world.
What I really mean by this is that we dress like everyone else does, we see the same kinds of movies and TV shows without filter, talk the same gossipy talk, walk the same catwalk, etc. I don’t really see any harm in indulging in a lot of secular things—don’t get me wrong! I love my rock music, art films, and French coutouriers as long, as they don’t incite lustful thoughts for my husband or me. However, we should know our boundaries. We can still be part of this world but not of it, according to John 17 and Romans 12:2.
They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. -John 17:16
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will. -Romans 12:2
I think the problem with a lot of churches now is that we tend to want to adapt to our surroundings to be more inviting to others—this to a fault. To an extent, this is okay. We do need to be inviting. When a church becomes too gimmicky and hip while watering down the message, presumably to “dumb it down” for people they assume would not get the Bible, it is an example of giving in to the world. God’s Word should be straightforward enough for people to understand. This is something that we need to trust Him to take care of.
As far as clothing goes in church, I believe that we women should not be wearing the blouse with the plunging neckline, the mini skirt, or the tight jeans that most every other woman we come across is wearing. Christian men, including pastors and husbands, have confessed about lusting after women, both single and married, in their church. It is true that lust can be triggered by anything regardless of clothing, but there are some types of clothing that invoke this much stronger than others and as a direct cause right then and there. We can assume that men are trying their best to not lust after us, but we have the other half of the equation to think about, which is to try to help them (and ourselves, really) to not think of us (ourselves) as objects of lust. Lust isn’t admiration. It’s far more dangerous than that. It ruins lives and marriages, and it can start for a man from just seeing an inappropriately dressed woman in church and perhaps lead up to his seeking out and viewing pornography. Again, it’s a 2-way street. The man can call upon God and the power of Christ to renew his mind after seeing something that entices him, but the initial thought was presented by a care-free (careless?) christian woman.
If lust were admiration, then lust would care about or respect the person it is admiring. Lust, however, isn’t like that at all. It selfishly partakes of whatever is available then moves on to another (usually more desirable or intense) object of lust. What kind of relationship would it be if lust were the basis of attraction? Temporary and fake.
Most of the things that I write about here are related to personal experience. I was not always a believer in modesty’s importance to the Christian faith. In fact, I walked the catwalk and even talked the gossipy talk just like every other woman in the world, and the main difference was that I believed in Jesus Christ. I was off to a good start. Jesus is the central message behind Christianity. However, I didn’t realize how much my clothing was a stumbling block to people who wanted to believe in Jesus or who already believed in Him. I came to realize that my clothes and some of the other girls’ clothes were distracting men from being pure in thought and serving God with a clean mind and spirit. The other girls in church and I were not helping these men with purity and doing our part of concealing our cleavage and thighs. I had to put God first and go against my natural inclination to dress to attract without any real boundaries.
I know it’s not fun to talk about reality sometimes, but not one good thing ever really happens when we wear clothing that doesn’t conceal sexually enticing areas. Clothing like that makes us feel good, but so does sin. However, modest clothing doesn’t have to be boring and awkward. I really hated and still hate unflattering clothing, but modest clothing can be attractive (though not necessarily designed to attract/distract) without being sexual. Some of the stuff I have on my blog includes photos of what some other girls and I look up to wear that might hopefully give you some inspiration.
If our God is the God of all beauty and creation, then why do you think you have to be frumpy to be modest?
I call this the “potato sack” outfit, because I am wearing an XL-size Alfred Dunner sweater, which I couldn’t resist getting for the gold nautical emblem, and a thick crochet shawl around me with a pair of oxymoronically loose “skinny” jeans! I was worried that this outfit was going to look frumpy (the #1 dreaded word for modesty), but I think the shawl, the belt, and the wedges really helped make everything still look chic. By the way, I don’t always wear sizes that are bigger than me—I just manage to find one-of-a-kind pieces that happen to not be in my size! I was originally going to pair this sweater with tights or leggings, but the sweater wasn’t long enough to look like a dress. Wearing anything tighter than these jeans would’ve been too revealing. Tights under tunics or short (and tight) skirts have been such a fad lately, and I honestly think they should be tossed out the window. Girls are always coming up with crafty ways to show form even in the coldest of seasons, sacrificing themselves and justifying the lack of warmth they are getting from these types of clothes. I must agree, though, that knitted tights really keep the legs as warm if not warmer than wearing pants. I think it’s because the friction that knitted tights give to legs creates warmth all over your legs. That doesn’t mean, though, that you should be wearing knitted tights in place of pants when you have a tunic on! 
I must say, the title of this entry was inspired by a friend’s comment in an e-mail about how she believes her husband would still get turned on by her presence even if she had a potato sack on! How many women would love to get this reaction from their (future) mate? I think it’s such a beautiful thing to be appreciated for your beauty and personality without having to try too hard to please. When you constantly and intentionally wear something sexy (in the presence of men other than your husband in private), your clothes just make you look desperate for men’s attention. As much as sexual attention is so gratifying to us, you really don’t want to be treated and thought of as an object. It should be enough to draw attention to your pretty smile, your well-groomed hair, and the put-togetherness of your outfit instead of your lady lumps. Placing emphasis on your womanly curves and your skin just causes trouble for yourself and others—is that worth the cloud nine feeling you get when somebody is checking you out (even the guys who shouldn’t be doing so)? To think so is just completely selfish. You know that you can still feel good about yourself by drawing other people’s attention to the cleverness of your outfit instead of the curvature of your body.
I was born with the “classic” woman body type, so it’s kind of difficult to conceal some of the areas of my body. I believe I own more dresses and skirts than pants now because dresses and skirts seem to work well toning down my shape without making me look like a tomboy. Just last weekend, I was a bridesmaid at my dear friend’s wedding. They ordered our dresses without getting our correct sizes, so they ended up getting an extra small for me. The extra small dress was so tight on me that it looked like I was wearing a bodysuit where every surface on my body was emphasized more than it should have been. I guess I normally do such a good job concealing my curves that they thought I was an extra small! Although I felt really good and confident in that dress knowing I work out from time to time (note to self: make it a habit!), I just had to switch dresses with someone else with a size higher up—but that was still too tight. Perhaps what too “tight” is is a matter of opinion, because I could still breathe in that dress, but what is too tight for me is anything that clings to your body and shows your silhouette. Overall, I think that our bridesmaid dresses were generally modest—it helped a lot that the wedding was in the fall, too! It was just the cotton and lace material that made the dress cling to the body more than any other material, and the fact that I had to keep stretching my dress down to the actual length every so often was not a good sign. Following most girls’ train of thought, I don’t think that they are just ignorant about how they dress. I really believe that most girls just pretend to be aloof when confronted about it. I confess that I used to play dumb when I wanted to wear whatever the heck I wanted. I wanted to get away with how sexy (apart from beautiful) I looked in my outfits without hearing about modesty so that I didn’t feel guilty. I hope you can see how selfish that kind of thinking is. It should be enough to show your beauty through the parts of your body that aren’t generally sexually tempting to men. It is a true sign of maturity to know that you are beautiful and express your creativity through clothing, accessories, and even makeup without needing to show off your curves to prove that you are a woman.
Have you ever been so depressed that you just wanted to “go away” because the problem(s) you’re dealing with never go away? I have to admit I’ve had these thoughts on many occasions—this may sound somewhat suicidal. I never came close to acting on them, though, because I know that my life is not my own. Because I have the knowledge that heaven exists, I have on a number of occasions somehow dangerously justified to myself in my mind that taking one’s own life that’s saved by grace is okay. The reality of death to me was and is a beautiful thing, because what’s waiting on the other side is eternally peaceful. Although my idea of accepting death as a beautiful thing is good, it never is anyone’s right to kill oneself. 
Sylvia Plath’s dark autobiography, The Bell Jar piqued my curiosity after reading the recent news article about the discovery of her husband Ted Hughes’ 
Thankfully, my husband is faithful and is open to me about his confessions, but The Bell Jar is just adding to the poison in my mind by making me rejoice in tragedy without hope, while feeding paranoia. I think it’s really important for couples to have regular accountability talks in order to pray for and help each other with problems. You might think that ignorance is bliss and would rather not know about other people’s problems in order to not feel hurt or responsible, but that is an incredibly self-gratifying, foolish, and insidiously dangerous philosophy. Shame on people who think that way!
Although I tend to lean more towards the unconventional (but modest) side of fashion, I do think that there are some things in fashion that take unconventional too far. Everyone has a different threshold for crazy fashion, and mine has gotten pretty high throughout the years. What I used to think I would never wear, I now wear and admire in others.
