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Modesty and Romance

April 29th, 2010

Two posts ago, I talked about Lolita fashion and its roots from the Victorian age. Even taking bustiers into account, you have to admit that fashion back then was much more modest than today. A friend of mine likes to view dressing modestly as a way to feel like royalty–a princess finely dressed. Centuries might have affected fashion trends, but men’s minds have not changed over the years. This is not to say that men alone are evil. They were made to be visual, and women were made to desire love from men. We just have to cater to our nature of being like this in the right way. Immodesty is like junk food. It satisfies you temporarily and is never good for you. Showing skin to attract men (or even to compete with women) might get you the attention you want, but it is almost never love that you end up getting.

As I like to say, “Keep immodesty within the marriage bed!” Married women can get all the fun they want with lingerie as clothes for their husband’s eyes only! Ironically, I only really took the importance of modest fashion to heart when I got married. I’ve never really been happier with the way I carried myself since I started pushing away my insecurities by not wearing clothes that attracted the wrong attention. I realized that I gave away part of myself to other men through the way I dressed, and essentially stole from my husband what he alone should’ve cherished.

To the single women out there, it is best to start now. I understand how hard it is to even attract men in this day and age, where sexually infused fashion is rampant, but it will pay off one day to be with someone who cares deeply about who you are, enough to protect you from himself. When you incite a man to lust, you do not win him. Lust takes over, and it is greedy. Like any type of greed, it wants more. Do not expect that luring a man with lust will keep him faithful to you. Modesty is not really the end-all to lust, but it certainly helps to keep minds pure.

In addition to its benefits to single men and women, dressing modestly can help couples in a small way by not adding to the temptation that husbands and even pastors have everyday to look at other women lustfully. Let’s not be greedy and steal their minds away. Lust really eats up men, and contrary to the momentary pleasures they might get from it, they ultimately do not like its effects. Doing your part says that you love all men and want to help them see the beauty in you through purity and not lust. Purity goes a long way. It’s not really synonymous with chastity. You can be pure and be sexually active in the context of marriage. Most guys deep down want a girl who will give them everything without inhibitions but only to them. If you give yourself to other men by inciting lust in their minds through the way that you dress, then you are not really saving yourself fully for your future husband. The Bible says that if a man looks at or thinks about another woman lustfully, then he is already committing adultery. In your own small way, by dressing modestly, you really are helping to tame lustful thoughts. It shows that you really care, and in turn, most “husband-material” guys will appreciate this a lot.

Dressing “down” gave me many heartaches. It attracted so many of the wrong type of guys. I’m glad that God was sovereign and landed me with an amazing stud who encouraged me to be modest-fashionably forward (even before we got married).

Check out this video by Jason Evert of Pure Love Club:

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16 Responses to “Modesty and Romance”

  1. Rebecca@Modestia

    Hey Rachel! You are so very right…I try to explain this to women all of the time. You want the RIGHT kind of attention from the RIGHT kind of man, and dressing immodestly is not going to get it for you.

    I’m loving your new site…do you want to do a post exchange? I would love to alert my readers to your presence!!

  2. Elaine, clothed much

    Great post! Sums it up perfectly :)

  3. Denalee

    Wow Rachel! For 22 you are SO wise. Wonderful post.

  4. Rachel @ a la Modest

    Thanks, Denalee! I almost forgot that Blogger displays age! You probably know more about me now than most non-Blogger folks who read my blog! :)

  5. Rachel @ a la Modest

    Hey Rebecca,

    Thanks for your response! It’s very hard for women to take in modesty because it might seem to them, that it is taking their independence away. Really, they are living in shackles by the way they have to present themselves sexually to be accepted. Sometimes being an example by the way you dress might be the loudest form of evangelism you can do. Nonetheless, I am glad you are voicing out to them. Continue what you do! :) God’s got your back!

  6. Empowered Traditionalist » Thursdays Link Love

    [...] Modesty and Romance – “Showing skin to attract men (or even to compete with women) might get you the attention you want, but it is almost never love that you end up getting.” [...]

  7. Rachel @ a la Modest

    Thanks, Elaine! I appreciate your visits!

  8. Christina

    Love that post! Yes, you’re so right that we women love the attention, but it won’t bring about what we REALLY yearn for: appreciation and love. It’s a superficial, cheap kind of attention (not to mention sinful).

  9. Rachel @ a la Modest

    Hey Christina,
    Thanks for your input! I hope that more women will realize this. I think that a lot of us are aware but aren’t willing to give up this wrong kind of attention. It’s just so easy to get.

  10. Sandy a la Mode

    this is soo well said rachel!! modesty in romance esp. when dating is always the best way to go!

  11. ~AnneGirl~

    good article!

  12. Cielo

    What a relief!! Thanks so much for publishing this kind of article. It’s definitely not the easiest when you have committed to dressing down and it seems you become invisible to men. Just yesterday I was having lunch at a hole in the wall restaurnat in town, two women came in with tiny shorts and cute but exposed tops. Everyone noticed. And although you know that’s not the kind of attention you want anyway, you can’t help but notice you’re not noticed. I have no regrets though, because as this article so perfectly explains, true regret would be having given away what will belong to my husband someday. God bless!

  13. Rachel @ a la Modest

    You’re welcome, Cielo! It’s not easy to dress modestly. You’re right, you can’t help notice that you’re not being noticed. That feeling hurts especially for women because we love attention! It’s normal. God made us to desire love from men. That desire should only come from your future husband, and that desire should be pure and not sinful.

    You know what though? I don’t think I get less noticed or admired because I dress modestly. In fact, I think I’ve never been complimented this much with the way I dress after I chose to dress modestly! The admiration is mostly pure (mostly, I hope), because I show that I can still look presentable while not flaunting my skin. I run a modest fashion blog (http://alamodest.com) that helps women dress fashionable but modest. You can still be admired and noticed but not the kind that leads to lust.

  14. Luigi Fulk

    I think communication is the key in order to resolve any matrimony trouble, simply because i’ve been successful to unravel my relationship problem

  15. Modest Monday: Modesty and Romance at Virtuous Girlhood

    [...] post was originally from à la Modest by Rachel Dahl. You can go directly to her website or Facebook for more posts on modesty. [...]

  16. Penelope Orland

    To begin with ,you have created a very nice template . I think i might design something similar for a future website that i want to build . On top of that ,i honestly enjoy most of your posts and your unique point of view. Cheers

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